CAROLINE POWERS, LMHC, LPC
Perfectionism Therapy in NYC & Connecticut
Perfectionism is not the same as having high standards. It is the exhausting belief that your worth depends on never dropping the ball. If nothing you do ever feels quite finished, and if one mistake can outweigh everything else you got right, it may be time to look at what this belief has been costing you.
SCHEDULE A COMPLIMENTARY CONSULTATIONA brief, no-pressure conversation to see if we're a good fit. No intake paperwork required.
Understanding perfectionism
What Is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is a pattern of holding yourself, or feeling held, to standards that cannot realistically be met, and judging yourself harshly when you fall short.
Psychologists Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett describe three forms (Hewitt & Flett, 1991):
- Self-oriented perfectionism: the demanding standards you set for yourself, and the harsh judgment that follows when you miss them.
- Socially prescribed perfectionism: the belief that others expect perfection from you and will judge you if you fall short.
- Other-oriented perfectionism: the unrealistic standards you hold for the people around you.
Perfectionism is not a diagnosis on its own. Researchers describe it as a transdiagnostic factor, meaning it shows up across several conditions, including anxiety, depression, OCD, and eating disorders (Limburg et al., 2017).
Is Perfectionism Always a Problem?
Setting high standards does not necessarily make you a perfectionist. Researchers separate perfectionistic strivings, the drive toward high standards, from perfectionistic concerns: fear of mistakes, harsh self-criticism, all-or-nothing thinking, and excessive worry about how others will judge you. Perfectionistic concerns are the beliefs that have been linked to burnout, while strivings on their own were not (Hill & Curran, 2016).
In my work, this distinction often comes as a relief to clients. The goal of therapy is not to lower your standards. The goal instead is to loosen the fear that has attached itself to them.
What to notice
Signs of Perfectionism
- 01
Moving goalposts
Never celebrating achievements because you're already bracing for the next task. - 02
Procrastination and analysis paralysis
Delaying starts or endlessly reworking details out of fear it won't be flawless. - 03
Relentless inner critic
Speaking to yourself with a harshness you would never tolerate toward anyone else. - 04
The burden of over-functioning
Feeling that if you don't step in and do it yourself, it won't be done “right.” - 05
Rest feels unearned
Inability to unwind without feeling anxious, unproductive, or guilty. - 06
Difficulty being vulnerable
Maintaining a polished exterior while privately feeling like an imposter.
None of these mean you care “too much.” They are signs that your standards have started to run you, instead of the other way around.
A place to begin
You don't have to get therapy right, either.
I'm Caroline Powers, LMHC, LPC. I work with people who keep everything running, for everyone, and rarely let themselves be on the receiving end of care. Together, we’ll explore what’s driving the pressure to hold it all together, and what becomes possible when you don’t have to.
If these signs feel familiar, a 15-minute consultation is a chance to talk about what's bringing you here, ask questions, and see whether we're a good fit. You don't need to have everything figured out before we talk.
Where Does Perfectionism Come From?
For many of my clients, perfectionism began as a very reasonable response to a real problem: whether it was praise that depended on your performance, a home where mistakes carried a significant cost, or a role as the one who was expected to get it right. For a long time, it worked. It earned you approval, kept criticism at a distance, and made life feel within your control.
You are also not imagining the pressure. A meta-analysis of more than 40,000 college students in the United States, Canada, and the United Kingdom found that all three forms of perfectionism rose between 1989 and 2016, with socially prescribed perfectionism (believing others expect perfection from you) rising the most (Curran & Hill, 2019).
How it connects
The Relationship Between Perfectionism, Burnout, People-Pleasing, and Anxiety
Perfectionism rarely travels alone. It often works as an attempt to gain control over a world that cannot be fully controlled. You may tell yourself that if everything is done right, nothing can go wrong. However, because the standard is always just out of reach, the effort never gets to stop, which is one path into burnout. The exhaustion is often hard to see from the outside, as described in High-Functioning Burnout: The Signs Nobody Warns You About.
It can look like over-functioning: taking on what others could handle, because it has to be done right. Over time, that can turn into a sense of responsibility for other people's outcomes and feelings, explored in Why You Feel Responsible for Everything.
It can look like people-pleasing: needing every interaction to go well, too, and finding it nearly impossible to say no. If that sounds familiar, How to Stop People-Pleasing looks at where the pattern comes from.
And it can look like anxiety: the constant scanning for what might go wrong, and the sense that relaxing your guard is how mistakes happen.
How we work
How Perfectionism Therapy Can Help
In my work, I start by understanding what perfectionism has been doing for you up until now. Therapy for perfectionism doesn't require you to stop caring, lose your ambition, or lower your standards. Together, we work to untangle the fear of mistakes and self-criticism that research links to burnout. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has the strongest research base for treating perfectionism specifically (e.g., Galloway et al., 2022). It is one of the concrete tools I use, along with DBT, ACT, somatic, and mindfulness strategies, to change how this automatic pattern plays out in your daily life.
In practice, that might mean:
- Deliberately sending something at “good enough” and noticing what actually happens
- Separating your own values from the standards you absorbed
- Building a kinder inner voice for the moments when you fall short
I work with adolescents, young adults, and adults. Sessions take place online for clients in New York and Connecticut, with in-person sessions in Manhattan coming soon.
Will therapy make me lower my standards?
No. Therapy for perfectionism doesn't ask you to stop caring or give up your ambition. The goal is to separate the high standards that serve you from the fear of mistakes and self-criticism that wear you down, so you can keep striving without paying such a high price.
How long does therapy for perfectionism usually take?
It varies from person to person. Some clients notice a shift in how they respond to mistakes within a few months. Others choose to keep going longer to understand where the pattern began. We'll talk about your goals early on and check in on progress along the way.
What if I'm not sure perfectionism is my problem?
You don't need a label to start. Many people come in describing burnout, anxiety, or the sense that nothing is ever quite enough. The consultation is a chance to talk through what you're noticing and decide together whether this work is a good fit.
Where do therapy sessions take place?
Online therapy for clients in New York and Connecticut. The practice is currently telehealth-only; in-person sessions in Manhattan are coming soon.
How long are sessions, and what do they cost?
Individual sessions are 50 minutes and cost $225.
Do you take insurance?
I am an out-of-network provider and offer monthly superbills. Reimbursement depends on your plan's out-of-network benefits; check with your insurer about your coverage.
How do I get started?
Send me a message to arrange a complimentary 15-minute consultation. We can talk about what you're looking for and whether working together feels right.